~ My dress is hard to walk in... which should be interesting
~ Doug and I's only concern seems to be that we are not concerned at all. Of course we hope the wedding comes together nicely and that the guests have a great time, but we are not concerned about whether or not we're right for each other or how our marriage will work once it starts because we know it just will. I hope this doesn't sound like arrogance - we are just confident in ourselves, our love, and our commitment to each other
~ I've had a big stupid cough since like New Years and I'd like it to go away before the wedding please :)
~ Flowers are still stupid and we bought way too many - guests, please take a bunch before you leave cause I sure don't want them
~ I wish our guest list could have been 500+
Everyday it seems we can think or more people we wished we could have invited
~ Its hard to be a "Non-bride Bride" - its hard to not care about silly things and in turn care about them NOT looking like you cared - I keep saying that I'm going for a "look" of non-chalantness. Unfortunately achieving that look is surprisingly difficult
~ That being said, Sophia Coppola's "Marie Antoinette" has had a major impact on many elements of the wedding, I even made Doug watch it with me before we got into the thick of wedding planning just so he knew what I was thinking about when I talked about certain things. Think about it - "A Non-chalant Marie Antoinette inspired wedding"........ what is wrong with me :P
~ Here's the brutally honest part: From the age of maybe 11 I decided that I wouldn't want to get married.... ever
I wanted to be a permanent bachelorette. For some reason at that age I decided that marriage wasn't something to plan into life, or have a timeline that it fits into like "Get married by age 25" so I went through life and relationships saying that I'd never get married. Dating wasn't for the purpose of "finding a mate" or figuring out what I did and did not want in a husband. Discussion about marriage made me uncomfortable, and the "love-word" was something I typically avoided.
I didn't want to think about or expect something that I might not get. I didn't want to think about marrying someone unless - get ready for it - he wanted to marry me [and I'm so "spiky" I figured that'd never happen, which I accepted and was fine with] I learned very early that I didn't take well to disappointment, and since marriage is one of "the big ones" in terms of disappointment, I conveniently evaded it [as you can imagine - it wasn't very hard to dodge marriage before the age of 20 :)]
I knew that divorce was something I might not recover from, so what better than avoid the first step to that outcome. Statistics are not on marriage's side and movies NEVER portrayed them in a way that was attractive to me - it was all way too horribly emotional, or puke-inducingly lovey-dovey, or very "cheating heavy" - as if men, even GOOD men, couldn't help themselves when it came to a beautiful woman in a skimpy outfit. Some guys I knew for real did not help me change that view.
So yes - marriage freaked me out, seemed a little unrealistic and I avoided it from all angles - then DOUG came along
He was the first guy that I didn't foresee an inevitable break-up happening, I wasn't outrageously negative with him, I didn't feel like there were any ulterior motives when he did things for me or said things to me, and the best thing was that our fights were not "oh no, could this be the one that breaks us up?" they were just "lets figure this out so we can go back to having the best time of our lives with each other" - after a while I figured I had to date this guy forever!
Apparently he thought the same thing - so he proposed "forever dating" to me, and I said ok :)
So here stands a.... I don't want to say changed woman, cause I'm still me, still that stupid 11 year old. I still hold marriage in very high regard
I don't think marriage is a normal step that everyone gets to - I think marriage is strange, haha, in the best sense possible. I mean its like winning the lottery, which is rare! I think people who marry are the lucky few, not average. Not everyone is meant to get married. We're all complete and perfect by ourselves, its just how we were made. But I've decided I like Doug enough to keep him around forever :)
~ Kissing the same person for the rest of my life: How rad is that!?! He's the best kisser I know and he's agreeing to kiss only me for the rest of his life - how'd I get so darn lucky!?
~ Reiterating this fact: We are not two incomplete halves fusing together, who need each other and would just die without the other - we are two complete individuals coming together to do great things in life, I don't need him and he doesn't need me and saying that isn't hurtful to either of us. There is no dependency involved in the fact that we simply like to spend a lot of our time together :)
~ One of the things I've found that I have to "give up" is that I won't get to have an apartment and decorate it by myself, exactly how I want. But it's ok :) We'll figure it out and neither of us seems to have nightmare styles like "all beige" or "black and gunmetal everything" - I think our styles will marry well together [see what I did there?]
~ What shall I do while Doug plays computer games??? I can paint, workout, read, watch tv/movies, shop, chat with friends, organize, clean, bake tasty treats!! Oh yeah, I'll be just fine :P
~ Our wedding date being February 4th was not just a strategic move to have our wedding coincide with Superbowl Weekend [Patriots are gonna win!!!], but an even more strategic move to avoid Valentine's Day - for the past 15 years or so, that day has been MY DAY. At first it was a bummer, no stupid carnations for me, boohoo, poor me - but at some point I started to like it: I'd take myself out on a nice date, and buy me some goodies - I'm the best boyfriend I could ever have on V-Day because I know exactly what I want :) Doug and I can anniversary early Feb, I can have Valentine's for myself and life will be wonderful
~ My wedding band is in a box inside a box inside a bag and OH MAN I want to open it up and wear it all the time. Soon I'll do that Charlotte York thing where I look at my ring with all my clothes in the closet to see how well everything looks together [yes, I totally already did that with the engagement ring]
~ I can't wait to be at our wedding :)
